I have a friend that's in some real trouble and my first reaction is to help her! Her husband is a JERK and very emotionally abusive to her. She works full time and has a 5 year old, 17 month old and 6 month old at home. Her husband does not work. He stays home with the kids during the day. That sounds so great from the outside, but when he's home, he doesn't do sh*t! My friend has to do all the cleaning, laundry and general housekeeping...after work! Plus, when she gets home, he leaves for his "job." He plays poker. Yep, he's got a gambling addiction. He says it's his job because he brings home money, but I just can't see how someone can be so lucky! I don't trust him at all and think that he may have some debts out there she doesn't know about. He runs with the wrong crowd and has been picked up for possession of marijuana. One of his best friends is a well known drug dealer in the area. This guy is BAD NEWS!
He told her today he wants a divorce. He cut her down, verbally ripping her to shreds. She's had a very rough life. She was sexual and physically abused by her mother's husband and her father committed suicide when she was 12. She lived in foster care most of her life. All I could do was listen, understand where she's coming from (he's an awful lot like the Beast, but he even makes Beast look tame sometimes!). I told her I've really enjoyed Al-Anon and even though he doesn't drink, he's got an addiction. (In our town, many Al-Anon groups also have members that could be involved in other types of addiction groups, they just aren't as available).
I recommended two resources to her. One is a crisis line that I've used many times; and the other was the number for the local woman's shelter. She said she thought the shelter was for women who were abused. DUH!!! I told her the way her husband is talking to her and treating her is emotional abuse!! NO ONE should be told that they never should have been a mother! Ugh! So mad at him right now!
What else can I do? I know she's got to heal for herself, but I want it so bad for her. I'll pray, but anyone have any other suggestions on what I can say or do to try to get her to see that his wanting to leave is a blessing in disguise?
I think letting her know that you are there for her and giving her those resources are the best you can do. She sounds like she is not ready to make a change right now. She needs to hit her bottom. She's lucky she has a caring friend like you to turn to when she needs to share what's happening at home.
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