I was on cloud nine Saturday. I had an excellent time with my kiddos, and amazing conversation with my friend. But, when we went out, we had drinks. As a person married to an alcoholic, I struggle with if it's acceptable to have a drink every so often. I don't want him to, so why should I? But I don't have a problem not drinking, nor do I over do it. What's right in this situation? I never know. But, Saturday got away from me. Talking and talking and drink after drink--I was over served. Because I was far from home, I choose not to drive. Smart, right? Well, that meant staying at my dear friends house. My husband was over the roof with anger. At me? For one night? What? He said he was divorcing me--so be it I say. I came home the next morning in time for early church. He had the kids ready to go (huge miracle!!) He had locked the garage door so I couldn't get in, and we don't have keys for our front door.
The conversation after church was intense. I am not allowed to see my friend unless she comes to our house. Like house arrest? I'm not allowed to drink with my friend (I'm okay with that as I rarely drink-hence after a couple drinks knew I was past my limit. But, what's with the dictatorship I suddenly live in?) I can never complain about him coming home at 5 or 6 am because I didn't get home until 8. (Never mind that I called to tell him where I was and what I was going to do. And never mind that I actually slept before coming home instead of binging literally all night)
Now, my dilemma is what do I do? I'm not going to stop spending time with my friend because my husband says so. He over reacted, said a lot of hurtful things and made me feel like I was a child disobeying their parent. I want so bad to do the same to him when he goes out. He leaves every night to either go to the bar or go to a buddy's house and drink. He leaves after supper and gets home after everyone has been long in bed. Shouldn't I get to be angry as well? I have a right to be angry! I have a right to have rage! He thinks it's fine because he isn't "drunk" every day. What? Sometimes I just want to shake him as if it would wake him up from this crazy life he's living.
So, I won't stop spending time with my friend. I deserve to have a friend who supports and loves me no matter what decisions I make in my life. She may not approve, but she's not going to judge. She's my kindred spirit. She reminds me of what is right in this world and that there are people that exist that aren't judgemental; that aren't self righteous, that don't hate just to hate. And he calls himself a Christian. To that I ask him, what would Jesus do?
My humble opinion?:
ReplyDeleteYou can drink because you are not an alcoholic. Period. I wrote about this a few years ago (http://alcoholicmarriage.blogspot.com/2008/06/my-drinking.html). No amount of "modeling" for an alcoholic is going to keep them sober. I didn't drink for TWENTY YEARS yet my husband was on & off the wagon MANY MANY MANY times in that period. I think me not drinking gave me some kind of illusion of control. (It *IS* an illusion!) Just be careful about over-doing it... I think we are at risk for that because we are tired, scared, hurt, and alone and it feels good to forget for a while. But as we know, alcohol never solves the problem.
The rest of your post about your husband trying to control you and threaten you and lock you out and be self-righteous when you NEVER do this kind of thing (and you let him know) and he does it all the time (and doesn't let you know) chaps my hide!!!!!! I felt SO ANGRY reading it. Pure ridiculousness!
Do not forget that the alcoholic is crazy... believe YOURSELF http://alcoholicmarriage.blogspot.com/2011/10/hes-drinking-again-2.html
xo