Yes, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. In a recent Al-Anon meeting I attended, we discussed the other shoe dropping. We've talked about this topic before and how it seems to be inherent in us to wait for the worst to happen. The topic the other day was actually about what to do when it actually does drop. A new perspective, because sometimes it really does happen. But we survive, don't we? As a lessen that day, I took away a few good ideas on how to cope when the shoe drops, and also that there isn't anything worrying can do to prevent the shoe from dropping...so why bother? I'm trying to live by that and change the way I think, but it is a long process. I have been thinking about worst case scenarios all my life! Everything from what I would do if my kids were kidnapped to what I would do if I got in a car accident on the way to work. Just this morning, I said a prayer to God asking for him to always watch over my family, and if it's his will that I die on the way to work, to be sure my children stay in his care. Morbid, I know. But that's just the way I think! What's funny is that even though it sounds morbid, I had peace thinking about it and praying about it. There is absolutely nothing I can do to control God's will in my life. No sense in trying to worry about it. Now my worry turns to others, but I'm still trying on that front as well.
So, back to this peace we've been having in our household. It's great! I've been praising the Beast on his kind words and helpful attitude. You know the idea, "praise good behavior and you'll get less bad behavior." So far so good. He had a really bad moment last week and I was convinced he was going to go out and get wasted. He verbalized my fears when he told me that's what he wanted to do. I told him I couldn't stop him, but maybe he could take a time out away from the family upstairs and browse the internet (one of his favorite hobbies) or go to the shop and putz on his projects. I told him I'd take care of the kids and it wasn't a problem. He ended up taking my suggestion and didn't go out for a drink at all. Wow! I stayed calm, I didn't yell, scream or beg. I didn't tell him how much of a bad idea I though drinking was. I just gave him some other suggestions and he could take or leave them. I've been finding that holding my tongue in many situations has been extremely helpful.
I'm leading my Al-Anon meeting tomorrow night and have decided the topic will be forgiveness. I think sometimes, even when things are going good with our alcoholics, we have a hard time forgiving the past grievences and holding a grudge. I think this also goes along with the other shoe dropping. Because we hold onto the past behavior and it's always boiling at the edge, we keep ourselves sick. Isn't that why we're in Al-Anon? To realize that we are also sick and need to change our thinking process and our behavior? Anyway, I hope it goes well. I have a nice reading from the book "How Al-Anon Works." If any of you have the book and would like to read the portion I will focus on tomorrow in honor of me leading a meeting...it's Chapter 11 Detachment, Love and Forgiveness. Happy reading!!
I love so much of this post. It really applies to so much of what I am going through. You handle yourself so well! Kudos to you!
ReplyDeleteI especially love this part: "I think sometimes, even when things are going good with our alcoholics, we have a hard time forgiving the past grievences and holding a grudge. I think this also goes along with the other shoe dropping. Because we hold onto the past behavior and it's always boiling at the edge, we keep ourselves sick." GREAT point.
Hope the meeting is wonderful!