Culmination

cul·mi·na·tion/ˌkəlməˈnāSHən/

• The highest or climactic point of something, esp. as attained after a long time.

The Beast tied one on real hard last night.  He is escalating.  He gets drunk about the same, but the drunkeness seems to be much worse.  Last night he came to our upstairs bathroom and peed on the floor and wall.  At least it was the bathroom.  I didn't clean it up.  I left it for him.  He woke our 9 year old daughter up with his loud, drunken non-sensical talking.  She knocked on our door to ask her daddy to be quiet, and he yelled, "Shut your vagina!"  Classy.  Unacceptable!!

Of course today he's remorseful.  He's ill.  He wanted me to stay home today because he tends to panic when he feels this badly after a night of drinking.  I refused.  He keeps calling me and I have told him to stop.  He interrupted my sleep and now he wished to interrupt my day.

I gave him an ultimatum.  Well, not really.  It his choice.  If he would like to stay married and have a family, then he MUST attend AA at least once a week.  If he'd rather drink, then he can move out.  If he skips meetings 2 weeks in a row, he's out.  I don't think that's too much to ask.  I know he will have slip ups, but if he continues to go to meetings (my ultimate goal is some therapy for him), then I will continue to support and love him.  If he cannot attend the meetings either because he doesn't wish to or because he continues to slip up, or for any other reason besides death, I won't accept that.  Again, he can do what he wishes, but I can't support him if he's not currently ready to get sober.  I WILL NOT have my children exposed to this any longer. 

I talked to the kids about daddy being sick.  I tried to explain that his body needs a drink alcohol and so it's a sickness, just like a cold.  We can pray, but unless daddy goes to a doctor (I wasn't going to get into therapy or group meetings.  Dr. was easier!), then he can't get better.  We can pray for him and ask him to get healthy, but he has to decide to get help on his own.  We can't make him. We can only pray and turn it over to God for his hand and guidance.  I pray God here's the kids prayers for healing and I pray Beast knows that we love him, even if we end up making him leave.

I also pray for strength to follow through.  I've threatened to kick him out or leave before.  I left for a short time once, but never followed through with any threat.  It feels different this time because of my help in al-anon and because of this blog.  I have had healing just knowing others are going through some of the same things.  It validates that I'm not crazy (because it really was in questions before!)

Well, Beast has taken up enough of my time today.  I promise my next blog will focus more on me