The Mother-in-Law

Just venting for a moment on my lovely (sarcastic!) Mother-in-Law.  She's truly lovely in many ways, but she can be so nasty in others.  She called me today because my father-in-law was mad and couldn't find my husband.  The Beast was to be working on a project for them yesterday and today.  Well, yesterday he was a pile of p**p so did not get anything on their project done.  Dear mother-in-law wanted to know what Beast did yesterday.  I said, "nothing," which is completely true.  She wanted to know why.  I told her to talk to him, not me.  Then she asked me the question she already knew the answer to; "he was out drinking the night before, wasn't he?"

I'm not lieing for him any more.  "Yes, he was out drinking and he was very ill yesterday."  What else could I say?  She sighed in frustration.  I felt the tension creeping up my neck.  I've been here before and she's blamed me before.  I held my breath.  "Why does he keep doing that?  How often is he drinking again?"  I tell her he has a drinking problem (as I've said before and she's denied).  I asked her to pray for him and that I'm praying and the kids are praying.  She was shocked that I said the kids were praying for him.  I think she was shocked that I shared their father's struggle with them.  Does she think they're blind?!?!

And then I jumped in head first.  I told her that I have asked Beast to get help or I can't live in the same house as him anymore.  She said, and I quote, "It's not just him!  You've both done a number on those kids!"  Yep, we've both fucked up our kids, your grandkids.  So glad you think their messed up, because I personally think they are really good kids.  They're smart, they're funny and they're well liked at school and by caregivers.  So, I asked her what she meant by that.  She said with me leaving and him drinking, we've both been hard on the kids.  With me leaving?!?!  Really? 

So I got defensive.  I told her what he did.  I told her about peeing all over the floor and walls.  I told her about telling my daughter to "shut her vagina."  For the first time, I don't think she knew what to say.  But, then I began to regret saying it, because she'll go to the Beast and get angry at him for it.  Then, he'll get angry at me for telling it.  BUT, if he does, doesn't that say he's not taking responsibility?  He should look his mom in the eye and say, "Mom, I have a drinking problem that I want to fix.  My behavior has been completely inappropriate."  But I'm not sure he can.  I pray that he does.  That will be true commitment to quit this insane behavior.  It will be difficult if I have to seperate from him, because the monster-in-law will make my life miserable.  But I won't let that faulter my decision if he cannot change his behavior. 

Now, back to the serenity I'm striving for in my every day.  I can't control what she thinks or how she feels.  I can, however, control how I react.  Today, I will vent on my blog, but I will not vent to my husband.  I will be peaceful and pleasant to my mother-in-law, and let me husband speak and act for himself. 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference!  Amen