The Conversation

I had a good conversation with The Beast last night.  I really talked lovingly and from the heart what I was concerned about.  He's continued to adamently deny he has a drinking problem.  Instead of pointing fingers and blaming, I asked him some pointed questions.  "What did you feel like when you left here for one drink?"  "Did you really believe in your heart you were only going to have one?" "Please think deeply about your motives."  And so on.  It's easier to talk to him this way after he has a night of binging.  I always thought it odd how closely an alcoholic relationship mirrors a domestic abuse relationship.  The Beast is always loving, apologetic, extra sensitive to my needs, promising not to do it again the night after a bender.  I've even gotten flowers at work before.  I had to lie about why I got them.  I said he was just surprising me.  I couldn't face my co-workers if I said, "Well, he went out last night, got smashed, said some really nasty things to me, and this is his way of apologizing."  Maybe if I had, I'd find others fighting this fight.

Anyway, back to how The Beast took my questions.  He took them well!  He seemed reflective!  He didn't drink yesterday.  I can't speak to whether he didn't smoke weed, but he didn't drink.  Today will be the true test.  He was in a good mood this morning.  Even apologized to me for not getting up again to help get everyone ready in the morning.  (He rarely gets up before I leave.  Sometimes he'll stay in bed long past 9:00 in the morning.  He's self employed so he seems to think he's got that luxury.  If he had to punch a clock, I'm convinced he never would make it.  Another side effect of his drinking patterns.  He doesn't see it that way though.  He thinks he sleeps in because he can't get to sleep at night and doesn't get good sleep.  That may be true, because I have many days like that, but I still get up and put my responsible pants on.)  I have my Al-Anon meeting tonight.  Definately looking forward to it.  It's like coming home :-)